My Poems
A quirky piece of poetic art for
any dentist surgery
Ode to a Dentist
I'm sitting in his waiting room and shaking in my boots, I've been dreading this for days and he couldn't give two hoots.
I loathe his coloured water, I hate his smarmy face,
I don't know what possessed me to step foot inside this place.
He pulls out his syringe, and the needle’s really thick.
He says, "This will not hurt, you'll just feel a little prick".
That's exactly what I plan to do, and not what he'll expect. I'll hold "HIM" while he treats me, and he'll treat me with respect.
A playful, honest poem for anyone who’s ever chosen joy over chores. This poem celebrates the moments when creativity, daydreaming or simple laziness win out over dusting and dishes. Perfect as a gift for busy mums, book lovers, or anyone who laughs at their never-ending to‑do list, this piece turns everyday guilt into a warm, witty reminder that life is about more than housework.
Dreams are Free
Would you like to read my poem? For a moment I digress. I haven’t really got the time, our bedroom’s in a mess. And hubby’s due home early, his dinner is not done, yet still I sit and strive, to create a bit of fun.
The washing’s piling up, all my housework’s overdue.
The trouble I’ll be in, yet still I write for you. I simply lack the willpower, there’s no one using force, I’ll have to make an effort, or he’ll sue me for divorce.
The dining room’s a shambles, I dare not even look.
I ought to do some shopping, there’s nothing here to cook. Will he stomach beans on toast again? I know that’s nothing new, Why do I sit here skiving, when there’s so much I could do?
Unless I say, “Let’s just eat out”, he’s very fond of that.
A quiet evening just for two, outside our scruffy flat.
Housework, washing, forget it, it will just have to wait,
His suit’s still at the cleaners, now I’m really late.
OK, there’s nothing for it, it’s the sexy underwear,
Slinking round the flat saying “Touch me if you dare”.
I admit it may not be the most seductive sight,
But it sure is guaranteed, he will have no appetite.
Would you like to read my poem? I hope you are impressed. The sacrifices made are extensive, nothing less. When he gets in, he will ask, “What have you done all day?” You’re the only one who knows, so if you see him, please don’t say.
Sod’s Law for
Horse-owners
Have you ever stopped to think about what may have gone before? And who was Sod, and how he came to make up his Sod’s Law? 'Cos' when I go down to the field, they’re on the farthest side, giving me my longest walk before I start my ride.
And I trudge across there thinking how I curse this man named Sod, for when it comes to feed-time, they’re all up this end – how odd? And when I’m working in the yard the tools are far away all neat. When I’m doing anything else, they’re right beneath my feet.
Yes, Sod has much to answer for, though I’m not the one to shirk, he has this canny knack somehow of adding to my work. And when I pull onto a showground and I’m running rather late, the Secretary’s miles away which gets me in a state.
And when I’m by ring One and happy, as the perfect place is found, it’s my class that gets transferred and moved far across the ground. And when I stand in second place, the trophy’s four feet tall, yet when it’s me the winner, there won’t be one at all.
And when I stand in fifth, the rosettes stop one before,
Yet when it’s me in fourth, they go to eighth or even more. So, should I chance to meet this Sod, I’ll strongly state my case, take out all my anger, then punch him in the face.
His law, of course, dictates I’d have assaulted the wrong man, and be stood apologizing in whatever way I can. Since tact is something, I confess in truth I rather lack, I suppose I’d have to invite him to take aim and punch me back!
The moral of this story is to take it on the chin, for however much you loathe him, the Sod will
always win!
Perfect for “horsey folk,” this unique piece celebrates the bond between rider and horse, making it a thoughtful gift for equestrians, yard friends, or anyone who simply adores life around the stables. Printed on high-quality fabric, it’s both practical and decorative — ideal for adding personality to your occasions.